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Opening up isn’t the hard part. The hard part is finding someone worth opening up to. You know? That certain someone that can make even the gloomiest of days worth waking up for. It starts as just a friendship. Just a measly hello here and there with no cares in between. “Just someone new to talk to.” You keep telling yourself. Blanking out the urge to get attached like an alarm clock on your first day of school. You keep hitting snooze. Putting it off because you know what happened last time. You know that once you let her in she will overstay her welcome like a distant relative visiting for the holidays. You slowly start to develop feelings for this girl. Everything about her becomes “cute” to you and you have no idea why. You compliment her as much as possible because you feel that she deserves nothing less than to be treated like a princess. Regardless of how many times she’s hurt you, you continue to be ignorant to the fact that you too have feelings. You have completely lost yourself in this sea of emotions and decide to finally call her out for lying to you. She responds with “I lied because I have feelings for you.” You’re confused, ecstatic, and upset at the same time. The most beautiful girl you have ever laid your eyes on feels the same way about you. You brag to your best friend over Facebook and are just all around happy for a few weeks. Until for the first time in your entire friendship, YOU’RE the one to mess up. “Sorry” wasn’t a strong enough word for how bad I actually felt. Constantly over-compensating to try and make up for ONE stupid mistake. But that just leads to more mistakes until the point of which you two argue more than a divorced couple fighting for child support. You ask her if she still has feelings for you and she replies “No.” You ask her if she’d give you more chance and she replies “Probably not.” You’ve done it. You’ve managed to mess up things with the second girl you’ve ever actually had feelings for and there’s nothing you can do about it. So I ask you. If you can’t control how you feel about somebody, is it really how you feel about them? My answer is that I honestly just don’t know.
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The constant disillusions occur as frequently as the Florida State football team choking. Going into situations knowing you aren’t good enough just to be tricked into thinking that maybe God has something different planned for you this time. Just maybe you actually found a girl that feels the same way about you. Slowly gaining confidence back after each cute text sent from her, knowing in the back of your head that it will never happen. But you still hold onto that tiny thread tied loosely to each false premise that your emotions make toward your brain in the argument I call hope. You’re rooting for the brain knowing that is the clear underdog considering it has yet to win a single battle, but deep down you know the inevitable is creeping up on you like the holidays when you are low on money. Eventually you will have to make a move. Either live with the fact that this beautiful girl is out of your league, and the chances of her falling for you are about the same as Spongebob drowning. Too afraid of the pain you have felt countless times before, you miss the one opportunity you may ever have to call her yours. Everything about this girl is just perfect to you, causing your mind to overflow with thoughts about her until you finally break down and go with the second option. You tell her. You throw the Hail Mary with only 3 seconds on the clock and you pray for a miracle. Who knows, maybe you’ll pull off the upset.
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